Minotaur in Paris

Shit, this is kind of delayed as it has been almost 2 weeks since i last updated it and i have been back in Sydney for a week now. I'll try my best to piece together the rest of my trip.

So the day after Moulin Rouge in Paris, we goto the Louvre to see Mona Lisa. It's quite a small painting and obviously the most popular in the museum this is made apparent by a line to see the painting(which is enclosed in a glass case) and it's own personal security guard. People are allowed to take photos of it, so everyone is just taking happy snaps. I'm not. I head to the Egyptian part of the Louvre to see all of the ancient Egyptian artifacts and tombs. It's pretty cool and parts of my year 10 ancient history lessons are coming back to me. Today is our last day in Paris before heading to Venice. After the Louvre i head to a music store and pick up the 2 DAFT PUNK dvd's interstellar and D.A.F.T. Both are awesome especially Interstellar 5555. I'm pretty happy. As tonight is our last night in Paris, we decide to goto a bar for happy hour around St Germain and then head back to the Eiffel Tower and drink a bottle of vino on the grass.

Venice: We were pretty lucky to get 1 cent flights from Paris to Venice with Ryan Air, little did we know that Ryan Airs airports are so far from civilization. With no public transport to the one in "Paris"(i say "Paris" because it definitely wasn't in Paris) we had to get a 140 Euro taxi to the airport. Lame. After a quick flight we are in Venice, we get on the bus and head to the island where we are staying. We rock up and have no idea where we are going, but wing it and luckily find our hotel which is in a little side alley near the Grand Canal. Actually everything hear is side alleys, there are no cars or bikes in Venice just Gondolas and Ferries. As we walk into the Hotel at about 11pm, there is a little Italian man with fake teeth and white hair sitting at reception, he looks up and says "ALATTAS". I nod and try not to laugh. Laura just starts laughing. "We have been waiting for you ALATTAS" he says further. We put our bags in our room and then go and have dinner at a Pizza restaurant. Venice is amazing, it's kind of surreal in a way and i have never experienced anything like it before.

Day 2 Venice: So today we decide to buy a ferrie day pass and just see the island. We travel on ferries for awhile, getting off every now and then to check out some more alleys and lanes. At about 3pm we decide to go back to the hotel to have a rest before going out later(I'm getting old, I need afternoon naps). Turns out the last ferry is coming at 3pm and there is a massive queue for it. We are pretty well positioned and i think we have a good chance of getting on, that is until Lauras bag gets tangled on some old lady and the old lady starts yelling abuse at her in Italian, the next thing we know the old lady jumps on the boat and they pull the bar down so that we can't get on. Stupid old lady. I wanted to throw her into the water. So we are on the other side of the island and no way to get home, turns out it's only a 30 minute walk - so we take a scenic walk through the streets of Venice. Which is really fucking cool and I'm glad that we do this instead of catch the ferry(I still hate the old lady though). We get back to the hotel eventually and i have a nap. We decide that tonight we will go on a Gondola, so after dinner we try and track one down, we hear they are pretty expensive but you can barter with them. I unsuccessfully barter with one and his 100 euro price for a 3 minute Gondola ride doesn't change. Oh well, we go on the Gondola and it's pretty fun. Apparently there is only one company in Venice that runs the entire Gondola business. After our "informative" ride, we pay the man and buy some vino and drink on the banks of a canal until we eventually run out of wine and goto sleep. When we get back to the hotel, we get in trouble by the man downstairs for coming in late, i feel 15 again. Back off DAD.

HANG OVER. Today we are leaving Venice for Stockholm. I go and buy 2 presents for my friends Mark C and "Flattie of the year" Niza, i buy Mark a pair of boxer shorts with the dick of David on them and i buy Niza an apron with the dick of David on them. In Venice the dick of David is a really popular item and features on post cards, t shirts, boxer shorts and aprons. So next we are off to the airport to fly to Stockholm on another 1 cent Ryan Air flight, because my bag is so heavy i decide to take my camera case out of my bag. Unfortunately my camera case also looks like a bomb and as we are going through security, i get stopped so this metal container can get checked properly, by the time it's checked everyone else has boarded the plane and they are just waiting on me before taking off. I hear a beautiful Italian girl call my name over the PA. I fell in love briefly.

For some reason on all these flights i have never been seated next to Laura, which doesn't really bother me too much as the other 23 hours of the day are spent with each other and it's good to have some "quiet time". I believe she feels the same way as i am an annoying jerk most of the time. We get into Stockholm and somehow the plane has managed to land an hour earlier than expected??? The pilot was on mad speed. We get an hour long bus ride to the hotel which turns out is a Hilton. I am vert excited by this, i did book it, but i didn't realize it was a Hilton and it's smack bang in the centre of town. Score. After checking out our very nice room, i decide to goto the hotel bar for a drink by myself and have a lost in translation moment. Laura stays in the room. I buy a beer and it costs me 50 kromer WHICH IS THE EQUIVALENT OF $10 AUSTRALIAN. FOR A FUCKING TAP BEER. I stop at 1 beer and goto bed.

Ok so the next part of my story may sound kinda weird, but it's cool OK. I had made a friend on Myspace who lived in Stockholm and today HE was going to show us around and take us to come cool bars. Kaine, is an Australian guy that has been living in Stockholm for the past 5 years. I am not sure how we became friends on Myspace but i am very glad that we did. Oh before i go into this i just need to say that Stockholm has the most attractive people in the world, EVER. Every girl is the hottest girl i have ever seen and they are so stylish too, everyone wears super cool street wear, it's like the white version of Tokyo. Anyway so we meet Kaine after he finishes work and i'm kind of nervous because this is like a blind date but with a dude. Straight away it's like we have known each other for years and are best friends. He takes us to some really cool bars and shows us some shops that we will be hitting up tomorrow(and Laura will be spending the rest of her money at). We get very very drunk and decide to call it a night, Kaine heads home and Laura and I back to our Hilton Hotel.

The next day is shopping day. I fucking hate shopping. I mean i like buying things but i hate people that come upto you and are like "HEY DUDE WASSUP MAN YEAH THOSE JEANS ARE DOPE BRO YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GET THEM THEY LOOK SO SWEET MAN LIKE WOAH GOT ANY PLANS THIS WEEKEND YEAH JUST CHILLING YEAH MAN SO ARE YOU GOING TO BUY THOSE JEANS BRAH BECAUSE I HAVE A DAILY QUOTA TO MAKE AND I REALLY HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU AND HOW YOU ARE DOING OR IF YOU LOOK GOOD IN THOSE PANTS" You know the type? Anyway fuck clothes shopping. But Stockholm has the BEST stores i have been too. I goto the Cheap Mondays store and pick up 2 pairs of jeans for dirt cheap and then we head to American Apparel and clean the shop out. There is a sneaker store called Sneaker N Stuff which is incredible, i don't purchase anything though, but it has a cafe inside the sneaker shop and is a cool hang. So yeah shop shop spend lots of money eat food go back to hotel to meet Kaine.

Tonight Kaine has organized for us to goto a magazine party to see Jens Leckman play. He takes us on a scenic detour of Old Town which is amazing and gives us a brief history lesson on Sweden. We get to the party and surprise loads of good looking stylish people here, yep so many in fact it's really hard to move. Jens comes on and we can't even see him, so we opt for a couch and listen to him in the background. After that we are heading to see Sahara Hotnights DJ but for some retarded reason, some clubs in Stockholm have a drinking age of 23 and over. Laura is only 21 so we can't goto this club. Instead we opt for the equally cool Debaser which is a really good venue/club. We sit out on the patio, drinking beers and chewing the fat. Once again it's time to say goodbye and this is the last time we will be seeing Kaine on this journey. It's quite sad really. Kaine if you are reading this, thanks so much for showing us around Stockholm and hanging out. Made our trip.

The next morning we wake up knowing that today is the last day of our trip. We check out of the hotel and have a few hours to kill, so we check out this store that has the best shit ever in it. I buy a ridiculously expensive pair of sunglasses but they're bad ass so it's ok. Off to the airport, we get the taxi driver to take a picture of Laura and I which is one of the only photos that we are actually both in. Our flight to London is pleasant but i never look forward to landing in Heathrow, that fucking customs line is a shit. So we get in to Heathrow and what do you know, it's a 1 hour wait in the customs line. I hate Heathrow. After we eventually get out, we decide to stay really close to the airport as we are both flying our seperate ways the next morning. By the time we check in it's about 10:30pm and we are pretty buggered, an early night is had by both. Good night.

Last day: We wake up and check out. I am flying back to Sydney today and Laura is flying to Borneo to meet up with her Mum. I had made a request with Qantas a few weeks earlier to get upgraded to business class from London to Sydney using my Frequent Flyer points. When i check in, i see that i am seater in Economy. Fucking Qantas. By this stage, Laura and I are in different terminals. Bye Laura, have fun in Borneo. It was fun. I head to the lounge and ask if there are any spare seats in Business class, they tell me that there are 2 spare. MMMM i wonder why i didn't get upgraded then. 5 minutes later and i have boarded the plane, i ask to speak to the customer service manager on board about why i didn't get upgraded. She tells me that there are no spare seats in business, i tell her there are as i just found out from a sales manager that there were 2 left. She is annoyed by this and goes on to explain how the Frequent Flyer works. Fuck off i feel like saying. Stupid uppity bitch. Anyway i don't get upgraded. Boy am i looking forward to my 24 hour flight home to Sydney....

OK so there were some positives on my flight. Good films. Unlike my last long flight, the entertainment system worked this time(Fuck you Qantas). I watched and highly recommend the following films: This is England, The US vs John Lennon, Surfs Up and Strummer.

Finally i get off in Sydney, buy some shit from Duty Free and walk out to see "Flattie Of The Year" Niza waiting there to pick me up. It feels good to be home. I still hate you Qantas, fucking Arseholes.

Until next time

x

Jai